I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
