i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
