Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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