ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
