thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
