Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
