I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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