I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
