but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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