I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
