i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
