my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
