Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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