i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
True strength comes from lack of pants
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
