i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
