its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
