Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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