The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
