im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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