you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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