the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
