I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
