i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
