was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
