his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
