a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
