It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
