so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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