I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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