dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
