I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she told me i tasted like america
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
