Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
