I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
