Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
