Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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