I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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