I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
