I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
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First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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