I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
