actually, I'm a sock model
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
