You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
