Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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