My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
