I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Randomize
