I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
