you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
