kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
