I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
