This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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