quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
