i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
