Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize