The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
