im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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