Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
