I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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