I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
