just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
