ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
