There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im holly from the hills drunk
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
