Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
