Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
