btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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