your parents love me but you hate me
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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