I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
